Blame it on Rio!

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a hard core Chicagoan.

I was the one who looked down my nose at the kids from the north shore and Naperville in college who went around telling people they were from Chicago.  Basically if your zip didn't start 606-- then I had no use for you and would routinely remind you that you were not REALLY from Chicago.

I LOVE my city...warts, shady politics, dysfunction and all. 

I Love it because it is REAL...the same way a beautiful 40 yr old mother of two with no plastic surgery is real.  People are diverse and don't necessarily get along but yet usually accept each other just enough to make things work.  I love that you can essentially visit the whole world without ever leaving the city (shoot I can almost do it without leaving my neighborhood).  I love it that if you grow up here and are brave enough to leave your neighborhood you will probably end up knowing a bit of Spanish and Polish in addition to that particular brand of Chicagoese. 

So naturally despite some reservations I was all for the Chicago 2016 Olympic bid.

Despite the pitfalls in Chicago hosting the Olympics (bribery, contract irregularities, unchecked gentrification, and all the unplesantness that would come from having that many people here for the summer jacking up our already crazy traffic) I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity to show not only Chicago on the World stage but to welcome  America back as a full participant in the international community.  In addition the possible benefits (revamping the CTA, development on the southside, and increased liklihood that I could sell my condo) slightly outweighed the risks for me. 

I am glad that the Chicago 2016 comittee made a strong showing introducing Chicago to many people in the international community who consider all the midwest vapid flyover country and are not accustomed to the unique treasurers Chicago has to offer.  That will probably increase interest in tourism here and is good in the long run.  Coupled with the emotional appeal from First Lady Michelle Obama I don't think anyone on that committee should be ashamed . 

Much has been argued about President Obama's involvement and whether or not he should have gone and expended (some would say wasted) his "political capital" on attempting to bring the games to his adopted hometown.  To the haters (and yes in this case they mostly are just that..."haters" trying to score cheap political points) I say as the leader of this country nothing is wrong with him advocating for his country the same way the leaders of Japan, Brazil and Madrid (who were all present supporting their respective bids) advocated for theirs.  The fact he was not successful probably has less to do with his political status or power in the world and more to do with internal IOC politics, the ridiculously stupid USOC and gerneralized anti-American sentiment that will take quite a while to dissipate fully.

So while many want to blame Obama....I am blaming it on Rio...but not in a negative way. 

Rio was always the sentimental favorite.  South America has never hosted an Olympic games...it was their 5th try....and who wouldn't want the opportunity to Samba the night away with the beautiful people on Copacabana Beach.  I always figured it would go to Rio (although I did figure it would be a battle between Chicago and Rio...instead of us getting the boot in the first round). 

So despite my love of all things Chicago...I am proud that Rio de Janiero will the hosting the 2016 Olympics!  If I start dieting now I should be Brazil Beach Body ready by then.

And don't worry about us here in the Windy City...we will be alright...in fact we have already moved on to the next big thing...

the immortal words of our city father Daniel Burnham sum up the spirit of my fair city...and I hope Rio has that same thought as they put on a fabulous Olympic games in 2016. 

"Make no little plans.  They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably themselves will not be realized.  Make big plans; aim high in hope and work, remembering that a noble, logical diagram once recorded will never die, but long after we are gone will be a living thing, asserting itself with ever-growing insistency.  Remember that our sons and grandsons are going to do things that would stagger us.  Let your watchword be order and your beacon beauty.  THINK BIG."

Kryptonite of the dating world??

So as I return from my summer vacation from blogging (at least that is what I am calling it...that sounds better than a big ole heap of blog-lazy) I have so many thoughts to comment on I scarcely know where to begin. I mean I am just in time for the health care debate (which I will weigh in on later) and the 6+ month mark of Obama's presidency, not to mention my views on the current strand of "crazy" that has engulfed the GOP. But before I address all those major world issues I think I will comment on something that has come to my attention recently.


Are African-American women the "Kryptonite" of the dating world?



Okay I know that sounds crazy especially coming from a black woman but I have been having a lot of experiences lately, coupled with discussions with many friends (male and female), as well as looking at lots of things happening in the media and their interest in all things strong, black and female in the age of Michelle Obama. Add to that the widespread circulation of an article from MSNBC entitled "Marriage eludes high-achieving black women" last week and of course the recent influence of my own interesting spring and summer dating fiascoes and it makes one want to search for some answers.

In the nature of full disclosure I will state that I am single, never married with no kids. I do hope to get married one day (if that is God's plan for my life) and genuinely I am pretty upbeat and hopeful about all things (including my dating life) so this is in no way a "woe is me" kind of observation.

But particularly as I have swam into the cesspool of the online dating world I have begun to think that Black women have somehow been forced to occupy the lowest place on the totem pole of the dating world. I have had experiences with multiple online dating sites (Eharmony, chemistry.com, match.com) and it seems the experiences are similar across all the sites. The numbers of men (ironically of all races) who select every single racial choice in their dating preferences EXCEPT the Black/African-American choice is astonishingly high.

I like to call it the "ABB" syndrome (Anything BUT Black).

Now I don't begrudge anyone's preferences I think you should date whoever you are comfortable with BUT COME ON...the fact that you go through a list of like 8-10 racial choices, systematecially click on every availible choice but Black/African-American, there is something that underlies that decision. It is not simply the fear of the "other" since these same men have no problems with Native Americans or Pacific Islanders. There is something specific that makes people choose to avoid at all costs a relationship with a Black woman. It is also interesting that I know an alarmingly large number of women in my social circle who are smart (with multiple degrees in most cases), successful, beautiful, outgoing, committed to their community and yes SINGLE....we are the people whom our non ethnic coworkers cannot seem to understand why we are not married. The people that our white friends from high school try to find dates for (only to realize to their great surprise that their husband's single and recently divorced friends are not at all interested in dating us). We are the women that men in our own community either reject because they are a little intimidated by us or simply because their interests run in other directions. In short it almost seems like we have become the Kryptonite of the dating world.

There are many reasons for this disparity (if you want to call it that)...ongoing issues between the sexes in the black community, a much lower tendency to outmarry for Black women, differences in the numbers of matched aged/education peers. All of these are legitimate arguments but I have to wonder if there isn't something that runs deeper.

Black women for many years have only had two images in popular culture...the bad girl pseudo "whore" (think "Carmen Jones" or Beyonce) or the comforting maternal "mammy" character (Hattie McDaniel or more recently Oprah) and neither of these images are particularly interesting as a partner choice in a serious adult relationship. This "whore"/"mammy" dichotomy has often times made black women less desirable particularly for members of other races to consider as a potential mate. Add to that the fact that for Gen Xers and older who are part of a society that is pre- "post-racial" there tends to be less comfort with interracial dating. These factors of course limit the dating pool for many Black women down to the size of a kiddie blow-up one, which ultimately is a part of the reason that perfectly decent and wonderful women who should be considered great catches are too often left alone.

While I hate the media's focus on the First Lady and the endless dissection of her every wardrobe change and appearance I think Michelle Obama is a wonderful positive image to cultivate. She is changing the way people of all races look at and think about black women. Her relationship with President Obama is a healing balm for the often painful issues between black men and women, and ultimately for all the single sistas like me that has got to be a plus. I am also hopeful when I look at younger women, as the under 25 crowd is much less uptight regarding crossing racial barriers in dating and everything else for that matter.

So maybe one day soon, people will discover that African-American women are NOT Kryptonite but just a unique jewel that people are only just now starting to appreciate for her beauty, rarity and special joy and that it is a truly lucky man (of any race) who discovers this treasure.

from one South side girl to another

Michelle Robinson Obama last night made me proud to be an American, a Christian, a Princetonian, and fellow "south side girl". She was quite simply... a LADY. I'm sure the hater's will be out in full force today picking apart every detail of her speech... the choice of her dress, the way she wore her hair, whether or not she secretely "hates whitey", if she is "bitter"and the worse crime of all if she really is an "angry black woman" in disguise who is going to ruin the country.

But really it is not that deep. For me the best testament of a man's character is the wife he chooses. The best insight into a person's values are their children. By both accounts Michelle with her obvious strength of character and love for her husband and family; and the adorable Malia and Sasha Obama who seem to be intelligent well adjusted happy kids (a rarity in this day and age) should have locked up any doubt about Barack Obama's personal character and make us all be inspired to fight for this man's presidency.

Yes...I still want more policy details about his economic platform. Yes...I want him to go after John McCain on some of his more nefarious attacks. Yes...I do disagree with some of his ideas (including his recent answer's to some questions during the Saddleback forum). But for the first time in my adult life...Michelle made me excited about having her husband and their family at the Helm of this country.

You GO HOME GIRL!!!

Peace and Blessings
J9